EULOGIES AT THE FUNERAL OF FEZA ALTINOGLU
FEZA WAS BURIED AT PARADISE MEMORIAL GARDENS IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA ON MARCH 28TH, 2002. ALL HER FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES GATHERED IN SCOTTSDALE TO PAY HER HOMAGE. THE FOLLOWING ARE EXCERPTS FROM THE EULOGIES.
Aydin Oyman
My lovely friend Feza, FEZOS,
This is not the kind of speech I would ever imagine to give about you one day. Well, today is the day and here I am on my toughest assignment ever.
People, who have had the privilege of knowing you, need not be told how wonderful a person you were. Nonetheless, on behalf of all your friends in Sydney, I would, very briefly, express our feelings as well.
You touched our lives with your kindness, sincerity, honesty, selflessness, dedication and humor. You were one of the nicest persons I have ever known.
Through Nur, my wife, I have heard a lot about your dedication and achievements in your working life (I am sure, your colleagues will have a lot more to say about that).
Among all your commitments (work related or social), your family was always your number one priority. We adored you, envied you for the way in which you raised your two sons. These two fine young men are your biggest gifts to us, to our world. Together with their dad Ilker, they will carry your torch of thoughtfulness, love and care from now on. Rest in peace, they are our sons as well and we'll always be there for them.
I am not saying farewell to you, for, in our hearts, you are with us now and will be with us forever.
I am going to miss you, miss your most beautiful smile heaps.
Vicki Sowinski
What is the measure of a person? Surely it is the number of lives positively affected by having known this person. In this regard, Feza was truely great. In her 16 years at American Express, Feza enriched the lives of hundreds of people, none more so than mine. She was my confidante, my conscious, my reassurance, and my friend. But I am not alone in these feelings. Here are just some of the thoughts I received from the people she touched at American Express.
I was impressed with her professionalism and insight. Even though I did not know her very well, I will miss her -- and I know our organization will too.
This is a great loss as we have lost a very dear colleague who was admired by all of us at FCE.....someone who has always impressed us through her work, warm behaviour & guidance.
Feza was the kind of person who always wanted make thinks better then she found it. She was always willing to jump in and help with all types of challenges, whether it be processes, projects or people. She was always willing give of herself no matter what her personal or business work load was. And always did it with smile and never was mean spirited. That is what I learned from Feza and I will always be grateful to have known her for the gifts she offered us.
Lots of things have crossed my mind lately about Feza, little things that I will miss. She was such a sweet person. Silly as this may be, I will miss her unnecessary apologies for her Turkish-English. We should all be so gifted to be a able to conduct business in a language that we learned secondarily. More importantly, I think she is admired for her ability to manage a great career while at the same time being there for her family. She was so proud of her boys, and really put their future on the top of her list.
I know everyone has wonderful memories of Feza. Simply, in the simplest conversation, she made it personal and made you glad to know her and want to spend time with her. Just seeing her would bring a smile to your face. Everything about her was genuine.
In our many conversations, I found Feza to be an incredibly intelligent woman who had the companies interests firmly in the forefront of our conversations. In reading of her many accomplishments that she has achieved at American Express, I'm not surprised that she accomplished so much with her time here at the company. She had the knowledge to design great things and the skill to communicate them. One of her best traits was her listening skills where she would work very hard to understand others point of view, then incorporate it into the discussion. Feza belonged to an elite group of Architects within the company called the IC Network. She clearly belonged to be a part of this group, in fact she was one of the people who were in the initial pilot of the network. This is a tribute to her technical capabilities to be a part of this group.
I also found Feza to be easy to approach and talk to. It's no wonder that she volunteered for numerous organizations as she was a caring and giving person. I'm sure that they valued her as much as we do and will miss her greatly also. She obviously had a family that she cared deeply for. Photos of them adorned her office space likely as a reminder that she has a family that love her as much as she loved them.
Feza not only possessed immense intellectual prowess but was a wonderful person & great humanitarian. She never visited FCE but still was a very popular figure because of the goodwill she enjoyed.
My reflections this week have been particularly around Feza's ongoing willingness to give of her time to others for learning, sharing and just to laugh. Her kindness and warmth will always be with me.
I will remember her great sense of 'nurturing - motherhood' paying attention to us all.
Before Feza came to the U.S. we worked together on an International team to perform a Functional Decomposition of FINCAP and FINCADS. I had recently joined the FINCAP team in Fort Lauderdale. Feza and Andrew (her boss) had come to Ft. Lauderdale from Sydney for the last round of meetings. I remember her sitting quietly in the meetings at Andrew's elbow, discreetly whispering in his ear and steering him away from mis-statements and toward productive dialogue.
It was obvious to me that she was the more knowledgeable of the two regarding the architectural details of FINCADS, and that he highly valued and respected her knowledge. I remember specially her tact and gentleness with those less knowledgeable, combined with her steely determination to present and defend her views when she felt she was right. The last few years, working with Feza in Phoenix, I came to admire her even more. I was amazed at both the quality and quantity of the work she accomplished, while simultaneously looking after her family, raising her children, working for community and charitable causes, and earning her Masters Degree. If she was stressed out at times (and I am positive she suffered from the stress) she was unfailingly even-tempered, sociable, and friendly to everyone. She always had a smile for all of us. I always enjoyed her wit and good humor, which often lifted our spirits during our staff meetings.
I have a picture of Feza in my head of her little grin, the twinkle in her eye, her ability to poke fun at herself, her way of phrasing things which was not quite incorrect but somehow nobody else would have put it that way - and above all the gentlest person you could ever meet. I intend to hang on to my picture because it makes me smile.
I only met her the once when she came over to the UK during last Summer. She immediately made a positive impact, came across as a kind , honest and most genuine person. Packed with enthusiasm and a willingness to succeed not only for herself but on behalf of the whole set up of Financial Capture worldwide.
Even though Feza has been based in Phoenix for the last 7 years, the friendships & relationships she had formed while she had worked in Sydney still remain so very strong. It is a really unique thing for someone to have touched as many people as Feza has - but that was what was so special about her. Distance did not lessen her impact on people's lives - not only in her work but in her friendships. Her warmth, genuine interest in people, her patience, intelligence, wit & sense of humour, her persistence to push for what is right, her nurturing nature, her support for her friends & colleagues, her special way of making those whom she has just met feel totally at ease by her warmth, as though she had known them for ages. So many qualities that just simply drew true respect from colleagues & true friendships from those who were fortunate enough to know Feza on a personal level.
We have been blessed to have known her. How lucky & privileged we all truly are.
I find these thoughts to be a wonderful tribute to Feza. I would just like to conclude with this.
We are all truly blessed to have known Feza, for even a brief time. I, for one, will always continue to aspire to be like Feza. She was and will continue to be my hero, as a professional, as a person, and as a mother.
Filiz Ozel
I would like to start with a poem from the Turkish poet Orhan Veli Kanik, which I felt voiced how most of us felt upon hearing the sudden loss of Feza, our dear friend, a leader in the Turkish American community in Arizona with her quiet but determined ways, with her endearing ways that united all of us around a common heritage, from the folk dance group to the giving of gifts at Bayram dinners to children, from leading the way in sending support to earthquake victims in Turkey, to her dedication to volunteerism as a participant in the Ms walk every year, and all of this while carrying major responsibilities both at home and at work.
ALL OF A SUDDEN
Everything happened all of a sudden.
All of a sudden daylight beat down on the earth;
There was the sky all of a sudden;
All of a sudden steam began to rise from the soil.
There were tendrils all of a sudden, buds all of a sudden.
And there were fruits all of a sudden.
All of a sudden,
All of a sudden,
Girls all of a sudden, boys all of a sudden.
Roads, moors, cats, people...
And there was love all of a sudden,
Happiness all of a sudden.
And death all of a sudden.
As I read this poem at home, I realized that, for all of us, the suddenness of her loss was so unimaginable, so unthinkable that I wondered if we would ever recover from its shock.
We have grown accustomed to her gentle prodding of us all, so that we would all participate, contribute, come together and create a community with a shared heritage.
We have grown accustomed to her showing us the way out when things got complicated and tough.
We have grown accustomed to her being there whenever we needed her as a community.
The little children have grown accustomed to her being there as a teacher, not only of the folk dancing she loved, but also of the customs, the traditions and the ways of our ancestors.
Mothers have grown accustomed to the way she set an example on how to raise their children with civic responsibility, firmly grounded in tradition, but also forward looking.
Men have grown accustomed to her playing the traditional role Turkish women have played for centuries, even before her old age, as a community builder, as somebody who made things right.
And young men and women have grown accustomed to her setting an example on how to be a civic leader in a quiet, caring and determined way.
And we have all grown accustomed to her face, to her manners, to her presence at the Turkish American community events. Nothing is ever going to be the same for the Turkish American community in Arizona, every event bears her mark.
But I know that what she would have wanted the most would have been keeping the spirit going, and we are already seeing that happening. Yes, we will all participate in the Ms Walk in record numbers this Saturday, because she would have very much wanted that. Yes, we will keep the folk dance group for the little kids going, because she would have wanted that very much, and yes, we will keep the light for the community burning, because I know she would have very much wanted that.
Thank you for all coming, for being here, and for keeping the flame burning.
Haluk Balkan
Feza'ya Veda..
It was about four years ago when we first met Feza and her family. Anytime you meet someone from home, conversations turn into search for something in common, common places.. common friends.. Once we found out that Feza, my wife and I have attended the same university back in Turkey, we have traveled through time and places and reminisced about good old days.
We would meet on Sunday afternoons for Turkish folk dance practices. As I stroll around with my son, I would enjoy watching Levent dance next to his mom, and see Erhan as a major dancer, as young as he was. Every figure in the dance, every note in the music meant more than our affection towards our heritage. Being there on a Sunday afternoon was a statement for our children that our lives didn't have to be either-or, that there is much to it when you embrace them all. Those Sunday afternoons would bridge places miles away, cultures oceans away, and generations one after the other.
Those were the days when Feza had decided to lead the Turkish American Association and -like many others- asked me to step up to the plate as well. I must say, we didn't see eye-to-eye at once. How could we? Feza was always moving about and it all became clear to me after our first meeting. We had our agenda, the meeting minutes, action items, and even target dates. She meant business, and we were all volunteers. I realized the very motivation behind her relentless desire to do so much. I recognized that Feza preferred to set examples and lead the way. Feza had done so for her sons and many others in our community, and touched many lives. I have admired her and her family for the very way they have conducted their lives.
Levent, Erhan.. I know of no words that could ease your pain today. I know of no remedy that could heal your wounds today. Yet, I have long traveled a similar path of my own ever since I lost my father when I was just about Levent's age. In my journey, I came to find out no two paths are the same, yet there are feelings that resonate through all.
You will be asking the question - "why my mom?" at times. You will have your moments wishing your mom was standing next to you. There will be occasions when you want to rush home to share your happiness, or joy with her. In due time, however, you will come to realize that she has always been with you.. in your hearts.. forever..
As you shape your future, you will recognize her touch in your decisions.. it will be a line from one of your conversations with her, or a moment in time. In this recognition, you will celebrate her life and the very values she has instilled upon you. You will feel secure, once again, knowing her love is the guiding light of your paths.. forever..
Ilker.. as you march towards with your sons besides you, carry her message with you. Carry her dreams and desires with you, and draw strength from her love for you. In every step of the way, you will see others walking along with you, in your friendship, in her memory..
Feza.. mekanin cennet olsun arkadasim.
